Category:
Personal Development
We need to really understand that the most effective knowledge is that which can be understood and then applied. Becoming successful is a broad goal shared by millions throughout the world.
Below are extracts from my mentor Brendan Nichols, of been knowledgeable and overcoming the "3 Main Reasons Why People Sabotage Their Success!" I will provide these extracts in the upcoming days. Have Fun and thanks again Brendan!
Part 1
So let me begin by asking you a question. What kind of success do you want? For some people its money or relationships, finding your ideal career or spiritual fulfilment. Maybe it’s all of these. Deep down I’ve never met anyone who doesn’t want a better life. While everyone wants a better life it seems that countless people see their plans evaporate or explode. A lot of people have their finger on what I call the sabotage button without even knowing it.
Some times just having the awareness of what it is that prevents you from achieving your ideal life is enough to create the change that you truly want.
We All Make Mistakes
Now I want to make a big distinction between making a mistake and a sabotage pattern. We all make mistakes. That’s how we learn, you know, I’ve got three children and I remember vividly watching my first daughter Elesha when she started to walk. What she would do is she would crawl over to the leg of a chair and she would pull herself up on the chair leg and she would stand there wobbling on these little cute podgy legs then she’d take a step and bam, she’d fall down. Undeterred what she would do is pick herself up on the chair leg again, stand up wobble, take another step, maybe get in one more step before she’d fall down and repeat the process all over again. Now doesn’t that kind of remind you like life.
If you go back to when you first learnt how to drive a car you probably made a lot of mistakes. It was very difficult trying to engage the brakes, the accelerator and figure out the steering and the indicators all at the same time. But after making those mistakes now it’s a natural thing for you. It’s become part of what you do. So learning through mistakes is just naturally what humans do. It’s the process that we go through.
More to come so stay tuned!!
Part 2
What is a Sabotage Pattern?
What a sabotage pattern is, is its the same mistake repeating over and over and over again and that’ s kind of what you want to avoid in your life. It creates a lot of unpleasantness in your life to be in a series of disastrous relationships one after another or lots of financial ups and downs or the inability to find your unique career or possibly a lack of spiritual inner fulfilment or peace in your life. This maybe all the result of a simple sabotage pattern that you may not be able to consciously see so what I’m going to do is I’m going to walk you through three of these sabotage patterns and see if any of this relates to you or somebody who you might personally know.
Before I start with the sabotage patterns, the analogy I use when it comes to personal change is to imagine that you want to clean a particular room. So say this room is quite dirty and needs some cleaning. What is the first step you need in cleaning the room? Well the first step is to set an intention of cleaning the room and this is important, its very important that you set an intention of what you actually want to become. A lot of times what I’ ve noticed people get involved in a lot of the western therapies, there extremely valuable but a lot of times what they do is they focus on the negative traits that they have.
There’ s a great saying one of Henry Ford’ s favourite sayings was he used to say obstacles are those frightening things that we see when we take our eyes off our goal. So what happens to a lot of people is they begin to discover certain patterns within themselves. They label themselves with that pattern and they start arguing for their limitations. The very last thing that you want to do is ever argue for your limitations. So while you want to be aware of the patterns you don’ t want to label yourself as this kind of person. It’ s just a period where you are at the moment. You don’ t have to always be that way. So set an intention of what you want to become. That’ s the first step of cleaning a room and the analogy is the same for yourself.
After that you need to look at the room and see what actually needs cleaning. It’ s pretty difficult to clean a room with your eyes closed, so it’ s the same with looking at sabotage patterns. Become aware of the pattern but still keep your focus on the clean room you want. Who you are, what you want to do, is to basically have a vision of yourself as a magnificent human being which is what we all are underneath. The analogy I use is to call it polishing your diamond. Each one of us has a radiant diamond inside of us and what you want to do is polish that diamond. You want to focus on becoming a brilliant diamond rather than a person with a whole bunch of issues.
More to come so stay tuned!!
Part 3
Recognising Your Sabotage Patterns
I remember a woman who came to one of my seminars. She had a particular pattern where every two years she would end a relationship only to get into another relationship. And then of course that relationship would go on for about the same period of time only to break down again and this pattern repeated over and over and over for many, many years. Now she had no idea what was creating this pattern but as we worked through the seminar what she found in herself is that she had a pattern that if she committed to a relationship it would limit her and bind her. It was completely outside the realm of her normal consciousness. The awareness alone was enough to change the pattern.
She realised that actually not committing was creating a lack of freedom because she was no longer able to enjoy one of the simple great pleasures of life which was a long committed relationship. I got a very beautiful letter from her saying that since she had changed the pattern her life had completely turned around and the relationship was flying.
So sometimes the awareness alone of a pattern is enough to change it.
The simple step of awareness, of noticing the sabotage pattern is crucial. A lot of times just the awareness of a pattern will be enough to change it. Now if you’ ve found yourself after some financial disaster or a relationship breakdown saying oh no not this again you may have a repeating pattern that you’ re not aware of. So lets take a look at some of these disaster patterns.
More to come so stay tuned!!
Part 4
1. The Difference Between Love and Attention
The first disaster pattern is misplaced love or looking for love in all the wrong places as the song used to say. Have you ever met somebody who has gone to a zillion personal development courses, every therapist in town and still doesn’ t make any headway. On the outside you are thinking if they only changed that one thing their life would be completely different. One reason that someone doesn’ t change is they have a misunderstanding around love and attention. Just as the body needs food to survive, emotionally we need love to survive.
When babies are never touched or given any love they often die from a lack of attention. Just as a human being if they are starving will do anything to get food they will also do anything to receive love. The problem is when they get love and attention they get confused. Love is a genuine outpouring from the heart, attention for some people could be just being called a jerk and some people literally have it wired up that they would rather receive some attention than no attention at all because in their mind they’ ve got it wired up that’ s that actually love.
Now one person I know of who has certain behaviours that cause great irritation to his business colleagues loves the fact that he has certain notoriety. He much prefers to receive negative attention than no attention at all. In his mind he’ s got it wired up that he would no longer be loved or thought about if he lost these behaviours. The problem is it’ s not love he’ s getting, its attention and it’ s not the kind of attention that is really doing him any good.
Then there is another kind of person who has found that they get much more attention when their life is isn’ t working. Now this is crucial to understand. They receive something to them that is priceless – sympathy. Now this doesn’ t mean that every time something goes wrong in your life that it’ s a subconscious desire to get attention or sympathy.
Some things just happen. What it means is just be willing to take a look at how you try to get attention from those around you. Be willing to see if there is any kind of emotional reward for your life not working.
What you need to do is look at – ask the question is there any emotional reward for my life not working and begin, start focusing on how great you would feel if you could have the life that you really want. Get a really clear distinction on the difference between love
and attention.
The most loving supportive people you can have around you are those who want you to win. You need to surround yourself with friends that really want you to excel and be your best, to be, to really be that magnificent being that you are. Begin to attract people into your life that inspire you and challenge you to be the person that you know you can be.
More to come so stay tuned!!
Part 5
2. Keeping the Focus
Disaster pattern number two is what I call losing focus. What happens if you are driving and you suddenly fall asleep, wham. When you drive it is essential that some part of your awareness stays focused on the act of driving. If you have a relationship, business, family, investments or a spiritual life you need to keep your awareness on these things. Even though this is common sense, I have lost count of the times that I’ ve talked to people who have experienced some disaster and never saw it coming. Later in the clear light of day they realise they had taken their eyes off the road.
Success is a Series of Relationships
So what we’ re going to do is we are going to look now at these particular areas of your life that you may need to refocus on. Success is primarily having a series of relationships in place. There are five in total.
The first relationship is the relationship that you have with yourself. Do you feel great about yourself and are you comfortable in your own skin? Do you have a certain sense of peace and inner harmony? Are you OK with yourself? Can you look at yourself in the mirror and go hey, I’m OK?
What you need to do is re-educate yourself about your potential. To feel comfortable in your own skin and this is the first relationship you need to have that is essential to regaining the other actually four relationships that I’m going to talk about now.
More to come so stay tuned!!
Part 6
The second relationship is what most people say to me you don’ t need to have, but then most people also say to me that this is actually what they want. This second relationship is your primary relationship with your partner and that extends for many people into their families.
When I ask most people is a relationship, a warm loving relationship important to them? For the vast majority of people it’ s a unanimous yes. A relationship supports you in the great times and carries you through when times are a bit rocky.
The third relationship that you have is your career or what you do in the world. Is it something that you love and is it financially rewarding? In my book entitled 'Your Soul Purpose'I talk about how each one of us has a purpose that comes from our soul. It’ s something that we were born to do. In fact the great composer Puccini said that all truly worthwhile endeavours come from the very forces of your own soul.
And I believe that it is important to find this purpose and live that out in your life. It’ s very crucial to have something that you love to do. Your work should be something that you love not a burden or a chore.
More to come so stay tuned!!
Part 7
The fourth relationship is lifestyle. Into this category falls your hobbies, your material level of comfort, your ability to look after your financial future if that’ s important to you with a series of investments. It’ s your whole lifestyle. For me personally I live in a very beautiful place. I have a rainforest and a river in the back yard, I can walk out my front door and its three hundred metres to the beach.
So after coming back from a long seminar tour it’ s a place where I can refresh myself and renew myself. It’ s a place that I love. It’ s a little retreat for me. That’ s part of my lifestyle. My work is part of my lifestyle. I love travelling and I love meeting new people so my work is also involved in my lifestyle.
The fifth relationship that you have is what I call your spiritual relationship. Now this is almost a very abused word spirituality, but I very simply define spirituality as this. It is an experiential connection with a force greater than yourself. And notice I said an experiential connection with a force greater than yourself not a belief. Someone asked Carl Yung if he believed in God and he replied "No I don’ t believe in God I know."
So the ability to develop your spirituality is being able to feel a presence that is greater than yourself. Paradoxically this gives you a great sense of humility but ironically a tremendous sense of power and not a power over others but an inner confidence, a feeling of where you fit in the world and in yourself. I meet a lot of people in my work who talk to me about feeling a hole in their soul and spiritual relationship heals the hole in your soul because you begin to feel that you are connected to really everything. It brings in a greater sense of purpose, a sense of spiritual purpose in your life.
More to come so stay tuned!!
Part 8
With these five relationships, I’m going to go through them again. I’m going to ask you to prioritise which of these relationships currently are the most important to you. What that means is if for example say career is number one I’m going to ask you to put a little one in your mind after that or if you’ ve got a piece of paper you can write down all of these relationships and prioritise which ones are the most important going through one to five. So say, for example, if career was the most important you’ d put a one next to it. If a relationship was the least important you’ d put a five after that. OK. Not what you’ d like it to be but what your life currently is and then after that you can work out what you’ d like it to be.
The first relationship is yourself. The ability to feel comfortable in yourself.
The second relationship is your primary relationship and for many of you that will extend into your family.
The third relationship is career.
The fourth is lifestyle.
The fifth is spirituality.
Self, relationship, career, lifestyle, spirituality. Go ahead and place a number next to each one of those and find out which one is the most important to you.
More to come so stay tuned!!
Part 9
3. Finding Your Purpose
The third disaster pattern is what I call losing purpose. Purpose proceeds goals. Please burn those words into your brain. There is a big difference between a goal and a purpose. Saying you want a million dollars is a goal. For it to become a reality you need to have a purpose behind the goal otherwise there will probably not be a strong enough force to make a million dollars in the first place. Having a purpose might be something like I want to achieve my full potential.
It’ s essential that you always put purpose before your goals.
A lot of times the reason people go on a diet and then go off the diet, they start a new hobby or career, then they give it a miss, they try this, then cant get motivated, they have an exercise program they do it for a little while and then drop it, is that there is no purpose behind the goal. Find a greater purpose behind what you do and your purpose will usually start from your heart. It’ s something that you truly want from your heart. It’ s something that you love to do. It’ s something that you’ re passionate about. So right now I’m going to ask you an extremely important question. What do you really want?
More to come so stay tuned!!
Part 10
So right now I’m going to ask you an extremely important question. What do you really want?
If you analyse the driving force of a dream you will usually find a purpose sitting right there under it and that’ s a lot of times what I talk about in my book 'Your Soul Purpose'. Your purpose is the platform on which the rocket ship, which is you, rests on. It’ s in every area of your life. It applies to your relationships. So going through these five relationships that we just talked about yourself, your primary relationship, your career, your lifestyle and your spirituality the very first thing that you need to ask yourself is what purpose would this be if I fulfilled or made this relationship better.
I believe that within each one of us, our deep purpose is to grow and evolve. We’ re put in situations that make us grow and evolve and if you analyse actually all five of those relationships that I talked about each one of them is a vehicle to help you to grow and evolve. Acquiring things is a fantastic achievement in your life, climbing to Everest is a great achievement, becoming financially successful is a great achievement. I believe that at the end of your life all the goals that you achieve, all the successes that you have probably aren’ t going to matter a lot.
What’ s really important is the person that you have become. The person that you’ ve become that has been able to create those things. That’ s going to be what’ s left with you – who you’ ve become.
Keep that in your mind. Keep the goal of where you want to go in your life, of what you want to have and the person that you want to become first and foremost in your mind and gradually and eventually what you will do is you will grow into that and become that person.
Thank you for reading and I hope that you have an amazing life!
